i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
