the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
