i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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