Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
