i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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