also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
