You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
