so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
