The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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