I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
