My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
