Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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