So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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