There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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