I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
