ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
