I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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