for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Houston, we have a blender
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
