i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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