Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
