**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
