If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
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Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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