so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So. Much. Porn.
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