Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
