why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ugly people sure do ruin things
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
