Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
