Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
