could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
