I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
