I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Randomize
