Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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