Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
