The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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