Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
