I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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