My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
