Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
