My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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