ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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