I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
