Pappa wants mamma naked
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
be right there i have to get my cape
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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