A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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