Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
