Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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