your parents love me but you hate me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
