I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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