I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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