Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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