I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The maid of honor just puked.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
