i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
