My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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