A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
