I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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