i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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