I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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