sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They took my balls.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
