The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
