im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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