summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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