he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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