you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
