this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
