my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
