i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize