i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
