Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
