So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
