I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
