I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
