I just saw a hot homeless man
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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