hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
