the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
