first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
