What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
