his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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