Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
