I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I cut my penus on the lid.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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