the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
