I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
