Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is Oprah even human
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
