so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
