i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
