Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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