Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
