I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
