dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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