I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
