dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
