I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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