I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
