his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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