we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
